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Finding a Job in the Creative Field is Almost Impossible, Especially When You're Full of Fear

July 07, 2014  •  Leave a Comment

To support my decision to pursue photography in a more creative way instead of commercial way, I decided to apply for a job at a gallery. I thought, what better way to dive into the world of art? It wasn't a purposeful decision, just luck. I was googling all the local art galleries to see which ones showed photography and might be a fit for me when I noticed one was hiring, The Fine Arts Company

I thought about it for a while, my first concern being the long drive each day to the gallery. Then the ever annoying fear of change and self doubt crept in, but I still managed to hit send on the email whisking away my resume.  Too late to change my mind now. To my surprise within a day or two I got an email back saying they would like to meet with me. I've been filling out online applications for weeks and never heard anything. Finally someone saw value in all the skills I have. It was a relief. I finally  captured a tiny morsel of hope for a new future for myself. One where my job was something I loved. 

Of course, as the  meeting day  grew closer the fear grew stronger. I started to talk myself out of going. It's too far to drive, I told myself. They probably only pay minimum wage. They  won't work with my hours. I can get so much work done if I stay home instead. Yep. These are things I tell myself regularly every time an opportunity pops up that I really want. Fear, I really hate you.

The morning of, I got ready and I went to the interview. I didn't listen to the fear. I told it to shut up and maybe even slapped it around a few times. I drove the thirty miles to Hagerstown. I'm glad I did. Even if I don't get the job. It's a step forward for me either way.  I have a lot of social anxiety issues and I'll never get over them if I don't practice.

Of course during the actual meeting I didn't talk and ask questions as much as I planned to. I thought of all kinds of questions to ask as I was driving, but once I walked in and sat down for the real interview part, my mind went blank and my face turned red. The two owners I spoke with were perfectly nice, certainly no one to fear, but the fear got hold of me and I'm sure it probably cost me the position. Hopefully, next time there will be just a little less fear. Maybe I will have adjusted more to the whole interview process. 

I still hold out hope they will call. If they haven't contacted me by the end of July, then I know it's over. :( And I will be sad. At least this time I didn't let the fear stop me from trying.

I should have bought some of the artisan chocolate they had while I was there. 


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